Why is so hard to recover.?

I'm 19 and I'm also in recovery [ana with mia tendencies] I don't struggle as much with my ana because I love myself now. I had a baby and realized that I have the power to control my disorder and I CAN love myself. I know that I'm beautiful, even if Im not as beautiful as someone with their bones poking out of their skin, I can still be beautiful. I cant lie and say I dont still fall back into my disorder, because I sometimes do, but you have to pick yourself up and tell yourself itll be okay. One day at a time.